Critic

I recognized within myself

the moment

when I became a stranger

as the words I spoke

did not match

my integrity

toxic fumes

poisoned the air

where my words hung

an aerial infection

but I am not patient zero

sickness infiltrated me

from the mouth of another

I remember now

the power of elders

to influence the young.

I refuse to reflect

dim lights flickering

before they're extinguished

I rejoice in kindness

SpringClean.1

Three months

to recover

from

eight months

of

him

all

the parts of me

scorched

with that love

and sickness

prickle

with occasional memory

but my body no longer aches

torments me

stops me

from drinking in

this new feeling

spring cleaning

I emerge

behind smoke-stained curtains

tear them down

smash the bottles

flush the pills

erase the pictures

pain dancing behind smiling eyes

reject the insults

hurled at me like fists

I emerge

stronger than before

wiser than before

clean

and ready

for spring

Only the Brave\\Only the Lonely.2

it is very brave

to be lonely

in a world

where being truly alone

is only achieved

by leaving its atmosphere

to choose isolation

is to sail past the sun

let it kiss your skin

burn you 

so even though

you sail on

it whispers to you

through the scars

it says

I could have consumed you

and your journey would be over

you will feel my pull

but I will never chase you

as you fade into the distance

and I look like all the other stars

remember that

I would have been so much brighter

if you had steered your boat

into me

still, you continue on

the whispers fade

You discover

both your ship

and your body

are made of wood

Is it your nature

to be incinerated

by a sun?

You daydream

of water

and dirt

You nightdream

of fire

and ashes

Many more suns flicker by
empty

and hungry
for you

none with as much gravity
as the one that kissed your skin

you float on
you realize

you are not meant to be incinerated

you are meant to be ignited

a supernova
spreading cosmic dust
unleashing light
across the universe

it is very brave
to be so lonely

but you know
your radiance
cannot be wasted
feeding a hollow star

Only the Brave\\Only the Lonely.1

It's nearly midnight

here I am

again

staring at the screen

music in my ears

that makes me feel

alone

and with him

all at once

Why don't I

let myself

let go?

Let go.

If he wanted

to be with you

he would be with you.

Every time

I mean

EVERY TIME

you think otherwise

Remind yourself

that he let you go

It's only fair

that you let him go too.

Eyes Wide Open//Body In Motion.3

R.I.P

I'm putting to rest

the version of myself
that was broken.

I hold her in my arms every night.
She spent months agonizing
as her delicately woven dreams
unraveled in her fingertips
cutting into her skin
because they sped away so quickly.

They tore her down
with words that erupted from
their hatred of themselves
because
she was what they were not
but she was kind to them anyways
so they would not hate themselves even more.
Her kindness
made them more cruel.

He left her
with a promise
of another summer.
He flew to a dark, frigid place
She sent him her warmth
until she was cold.
She left none of it
for herself.

She faded
The stars in her eyes
escaped across her face
As the days shortened
and the nights came before she was ready
she became hollow.
There was nothing left
but a speck of hope
that she would see summer again

In the winter,
he broke his promise.
She was so weak by then
he broke her too.

This hurt
but allowed me to grow up through the ruins.

Now, I cradle her shattered body
she whispers me her lessons
I tell her that she was not a failure.

Someone who had chosen kindness cannot be a failure
Dreams can be rewoven with sturdier thread

I kiss her lips
I caress her body
I make her feel passionate, intelligent and strong
I love her.

Until finally,
I consume her whole
and take her place.

Eyes Wide Open//Body in Motion.2

Treason

How do I explain to myself

that 

what you did to me

what you said to me

how you looked into me

neglected my strengths

and fed my weaknesses

was not my fault?

I spent a lifetime

starving out the darkness

moldering in my spine

Painful memories shivered out of me

and you caught them

I watched you

hopeful

that you would ignite these thoughts

burn them 

before they could return to me

and settle back in

Instead

you gave them life

with your actions

and your words

you sent them back into me

stronger

with teeth

that bit every time you kissed me

How do I explain to myself

that

this was not my fault

without redefining you 

as my enemy

after I thought

you were my greatest ally

Who is more guilty of this treason

Me, who exposed my weakness

or you, who used it against me.