Only the Brave\\Only the Lonely.1

It's nearly midnight

here I am

again

staring at the screen

music in my ears

that makes me feel

alone

and with him

all at once

Why don't I

let myself

let go?

Let go.

If he wanted

to be with you

he would be with you.

Every time

I mean

EVERY TIME

you think otherwise

Remind yourself

that he let you go

It's only fair

that you let him go too.

Eyes Wide Open//Body In Motion.3

R.I.P

I'm putting to rest

the version of myself
that was broken.

I hold her in my arms every night.
She spent months agonizing
as her delicately woven dreams
unraveled in her fingertips
cutting into her skin
because they sped away so quickly.

They tore her down
with words that erupted from
their hatred of themselves
because
she was what they were not
but she was kind to them anyways
so they would not hate themselves even more.
Her kindness
made them more cruel.

He left her
with a promise
of another summer.
He flew to a dark, frigid place
She sent him her warmth
until she was cold.
She left none of it
for herself.

She faded
The stars in her eyes
escaped across her face
As the days shortened
and the nights came before she was ready
she became hollow.
There was nothing left
but a speck of hope
that she would see summer again

In the winter,
he broke his promise.
She was so weak by then
he broke her too.

This hurt
but allowed me to grow up through the ruins.

Now, I cradle her shattered body
she whispers me her lessons
I tell her that she was not a failure.

Someone who had chosen kindness cannot be a failure
Dreams can be rewoven with sturdier thread

I kiss her lips
I caress her body
I make her feel passionate, intelligent and strong
I love her.

Until finally,
I consume her whole
and take her place.

Eyes Wide Open//Body in Motion.2

Treason

How do I explain to myself

that 

what you did to me

what you said to me

how you looked into me

neglected my strengths

and fed my weaknesses

was not my fault?

I spent a lifetime

starving out the darkness

moldering in my spine

Painful memories shivered out of me

and you caught them

I watched you

hopeful

that you would ignite these thoughts

burn them 

before they could return to me

and settle back in

Instead

you gave them life

with your actions

and your words

you sent them back into me

stronger

with teeth

that bit every time you kissed me

How do I explain to myself

that

this was not my fault

without redefining you 

as my enemy

after I thought

you were my greatest ally

Who is more guilty of this treason

Me, who exposed my weakness

or you, who used it against me.